Sleeping in the Same Room

Many a parent ask whether they should put kids of different ages together in the same bedroom. I personally can’t remember, as a kid, sharing my room with anyone. Just happened like that. A bit weird by the way. The reason for this being a bit weird is that my brother and I are one and a half years apart. Yet he had to sleep with our youngest brother who is two and a half years his junior. Our sister, the youngest brothers twin, had her own room.

We may have slept in the same room in the beginning, but all I remember is that my two brothers shared a room while my sister and I had our own. Why our parents didn’t organize each their own room I cannot understand. Could have been done.

So, back to this dilemma that many parents have. “Should we put two kids in one room or should we give each their own? And if together, for how long should the kids share a bedroom.”

There is no clear-cut answer to this. It is a very individual and in my opinion, age and gender related. At a certain

age, girls, and boys, want to be alone. At young toddler ages, and even later, it can bring the kids closer. I see it in my grand-kids. They are now together in the same room. They are now a team as well as being natural “enemies” and can be quite mischievous together.

Back to the past. I can recall two instances that we, my wife and I had, regarding the same room syndrome. When we were young and just beginning our careers, we lived in a small two-bedroom apartment. It had a nice lounge and dining area, an okay kitchen and of course the two bedrooms. We had our first-born when I was twenty-eight.

Housing in Israel has always been a feat. Now, an almost impossible one. Then, less formidable. It was our first apartment. By the way, most people live in apartments in Israel.

Anyway, back to the story. Two bedrooms were fine with one kid and ourselves.  Two years and nearly three months later our twin girls were born. We hadn’t planned, or made plans to move into a bigger place. So, the girls got our room and we set up in the lounge. Even though it was cramped in a way, it was a very happy time. Lots of fun things with three vibrant kids.  Anyway, after a few months in the lounge we decided that this was enough.

We moved the kids together into the same room. But, we didn’t do was prepare our son for this. Till this day I see his adorable face and big eyes looking at me and saying – “where did my room go?” A big, big mistake. Not telling him and preparing. Being the personality he is, he understood and moved on.

 

 

I felt really bad, and even to this day some twenty- eight years later, still do. Weird that these feelings remain, when so much time has passed and he has his own family. His look and the fact that it was a small apartment pushed us sooner than we planned into selling it. We purchased a three bedroom apartment in the same neighborhood.

Prepare the kid if that’s your decision. And it must be your decision as a parent.

The second instance was when we moved from the three bedroom one, into a house that we built in a rural village.   The house had four bedrooms.  We had planned that our twin daughters would,  for the first few years, share a room. They were still small, going into first grade. When we told them this, both the two little girls gave us a big NOOO.  We had incorrectly assumed that being only in first grade they would want to be together. We just didn’t ask them. They each wanted their own “kingdom” which actually was available. The result, each girl received her own room from the beginning.

But, and a big but. We could give them each a room. If you cannot, then you are the parent and you must be the decision maker.  In the case above of our son we only made the mistake of not informing him. Of not making him aware that this is the new situation.

There is no clear-cut answer. Play it by ear. There is no harm in kids sharing and there is no must to have separate rooms. Yet, it’s important to let them know if changes are about to happen.

I personally think that at a certain age, finances permitting, each should have their own “place”.