Chapter 3 – The Baby

The baby is born. With you or without you. With you it is a great experience, and should be. Strongly advise you to be there when it happens.

Babies, and I hope that Mom’s all over the world will not issue a contract on me, are born as a very wise woman (my Grandmother) told me, either looking like a mouse with an elongated face or like a toad with a flattish face.  Still everyone including yourself oggle at your child and declare his or her beauty. Quite a feat you acknowledge to yourself.

Don’t kid yourself – you didn’t do much. It was Mom’s doing.

After the birth, you still have three days of relative freedom and quiet. From now on it is your chance to prove your worthiness. If you are clever, you will eventually, somewhere down the road, be rewarded by the missus.  It’s still to early to be appreciated by the little one. You arrive at the hospital with the baby’s carry on and the three of you go home. You are now a threesome.  Maybe in your eyes this is not a threesome but it is. A new exciting one that will make the second major change in your life. The first change may we remind you was when you said “I do” or whatever.  The first night at home could be  the most “terrifying” one. Not your wedding night. You are now alone with a new life. Yet, many women want and go to their mothers, or have their mothers come sleep over. This can be a blessing, or a big mistake. Each to his own “fate” with mother in laws and I certainly will not tread down this path. (I had only good experiences and still have – so my wariness is not from there. And we were alone at home, our choice).

A new born baby is now in your home. It is the center of attention. It is time consuming, especially of Mom. You are pushed aside. Accept and expect this. The little creature is a very demanding one. Now don’t get me wrong, I love kids, especially my own and my kid’s kids. Your kid’s kids are actually the best.

I just see now that my own kids are the only way to get to grandchildren, so remember this every time the little one calls.

But it’s wise to know, in my eyes at least, that all  are born with a higher insight than we adults have. They know what they want. They know what they need. They know how to get it. And they invariably get it. Otherwise the parents are “neglecting”.

Lets now elaborate on the first few months of being a Dad. These months will depend on breastfeeding or not.  There is also a twist to this. Breastfeeding, yes, but also preparing Mom’s bottled milk.

Breastfeeding.  This is recommended, by me, as a Dad. This recommendation has nothing to do with the fact that it is much healthier for the kid. This is just a survival recommendation. Mom is at home on maternity leave. Dad is still working. Dad needs sleep. Mom has the apparatus necessary for feeding the Ruler of the Manor. That being the Baby. If you don’t see the logic in this let’s spell it out. Mom needs to get up at night to feed the young one. This means that you, hardworking Dad, can sleep. This is where you must use all your powers of logic, which are not much to start with. This logic is – only one needs to get up to feed a baby. If Mom is doing this, you, Dad can sleep. You need to go to work in the morning. Mom can sleep during feeds.

But, and heaven help you, Mom may say that there are pumps that can transform Mom to a milk producing factory. Not a good idea for you. Not so early in the little un’s life. It’s easier for babies to eat from a bottle. They will not want to nurse from Mom after eating so easily from a bottle. Sucking on Mom is work, and as mentioned above, babies know what they want. Work is not one of these wants. They just don’t know that there is an easier way of getting food.

To them this is food. Now back to the pump. Mom will have to always be milked and this is not so pleasant. “Better to strengthen the Mom-Child bond with Mom nursing him”. You try to use all ammo available. This may sound harsh on Mom, but this is helping the working man do his job better. All the above is just wishful thinking which in some families actually happens.

Now, jokes aside and in all instances, it’s your job to stand by Mom’s decision. A Mom is a Mom. They know better. Now, Mom may or may not tire from the pump. If there is enough milk prepared in the fridge you should also pitch in with feeding the baby. Keep an open mind. Remember it’s a joint venture.

Pumps will definitely become a necessity if Mom goes back to work and is also breastfeeding. So, tread delicately. It’s still much healthier for your new born. Not to mention cheaper. Mom can produce for free.

Now what is the situation if Mom is not breastfeeding.

This can be divided into two. The first being – is Mom insisting on getting up for every feeding or will she let you be alone with her baby. This is where you pray. Twice. The first time that Mom is hysterical and doesn’t trust you. The second time is that Mom does not insist that you get up to help her. There is truly no need to help Mom, but her insistence will persevere and you will arise.

If on the other hand Mom is not hysterical and you are allowed to feed the baby my suggestion is to do the duty every second night. That will ensure that both of you have a good night’s sleep every alternate day.

You will sleep well when you are allowed to. Moms tend to be very light sleepers when they have offspring.  Before that they slept like winter bears in a very cold winter that you dare not disturb.  Now they will hear all that is going on, so beware, and follow the instruction manual.

I have already delved into the feeding of the new addition.  A slip on my part?  Maybe not.  We will be feeding our offspring from now until forever.

Maybe I should have begun with the new sleeping arrangements.  Many a change when the new un’s arrive.